I will die if light touches me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
