he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
