She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
honey bunches of taint.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
