I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
