I'm so fucking centered right now
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
