Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
