first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
