At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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