I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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