I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
