I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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