I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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