college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize