You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
