I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
