woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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