pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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