I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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