Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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