Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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