sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
