I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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