she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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