i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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