He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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