Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
