at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
