i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
