Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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