he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
