just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
