Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
