You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize