Fine. I'll sleep in my office
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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