btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize