Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
