Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
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Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize