Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
