Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
why do cheetos always look like penises
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
