he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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