Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
