Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
