Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
