the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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