he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
