"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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