you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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