A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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