my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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