rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.