his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"