I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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