we have pet lesbian snakes
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.