I'm drive I can fine osifer
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
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I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem