he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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