Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i feel rough

(617): View more from Massachusetts

just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.

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(617): i feel rough (617): just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/6foz

Replies (24) Good night (771) Bad night (1844)
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(305): View more from Florida

why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?

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(305): why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do? http://tfl.nu/hnao

Replies (18) Good night (633) Bad night (5718)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories

(239): View more from Florida

He could rock you to sleep

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(321): I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories (239): He could rock you to sleep http://tfl.nu/6xlx

Replies (28) Good night (3973) Bad night (1119)
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(587): View more from Alberta

His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?

(587): View more from Alberta

She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.

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(587): His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl? (780): You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus? (587): She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass. http://tfl.nu/i4m5

Replies (68) Good night (2324) Bad night (4531)
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(563): View more from Iowa

Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.

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(563): Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self. http://tfl.nu/njzb

Replies (17) Good night (1258) Bad night (3813)
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(773): View more from Illinois

How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?

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(773): How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom? http://tfl.nu/o0zg

Replies (42) Good night (1929) Bad night (5465)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"

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(262): She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us" http://tfl.nu/wksb

Replies (13) Good night (1094) Bad night (4026)
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(815): View more from Illinois

we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.

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(815): we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend. http://tfl.nu/dsgm

Replies (2) Good night (1612) Bad night (547)
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(310): View more from California

The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.

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(310): The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses. http://tfl.nu/2i38

Replies (8) Good night (428) Bad night (922)
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(912): View more from Georgia

We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us

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(912): We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us http://tfl.nu/f6nz

Replies (3) Good night (1018) Bad night (316)
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(863): View more from Florida

If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.

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(863): If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis. http://tfl.nu/mwio

Replies (5) Good night (821) Bad night (279)
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(954): View more from Florida

I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.

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(954): I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security. http://tfl.nu/su6q

Replies (9) Good night (1238) Bad night (391)
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(520): View more from Arizona

Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?

(614): View more from Ohio

Your word choices worry me.

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(520): Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants? (614): Your word choices worry me. http://tfl.nu/ader

Replies (5) Good night (592) Bad night (339)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"

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(828): I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?" http://tfl.nu/m95j

Replies (3) Good night (827) Bad night (338)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail

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(724): I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail http://tfl.nu/hvvp

Replies (1) Good night (152) Bad night (379)

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