Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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