You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
