Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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