I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
