You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
