so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
