Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
