420 ftw
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
