His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
