there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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