the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
