Define "chronic" masturbator.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I have post one night stand depression
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
