I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
