I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
