he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
