Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
