Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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