She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
