It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
