Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
