There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
