I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
