I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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