The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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