did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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