hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
