Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
