After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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