my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
